Rainy Day Writing

Writing, Reading, Inspirations and Aspirations

Diets: Exorcising the Rear View

I’m planning a visit back to the east coast…in eight weeks.

Of course I’m in panic diet mode.

It’s amazing how much wider my hips are when I realize I’ll soon be seeing people who actually knew me when I was a size seven. One day I’m looking in the mirror with loving (well, maybe not completely), acceptance, and the next, which is the day after I book my flight, I’m seething with self loathing and judgement every time I pass a reflective surface.

Look at You! How did you let yourself get so fat? DSC_0409 (2)

And I start doing things that I know I shouldn’t. Like standing with my back to the full length mirror holding up a hand mirror trying to gauge just how big my booty really is. Madness!

Not that I haven’t done this before. Most of my life I have been insecure about the backside of my anatomy. My Sicilian mama and her sisters were all, shall we say, pear shaped. But as I’ve aged and my self worth has become less about what I look like and more about who I am, I really haven’t bothered much. I sleep better that way.

Still, whenever I try on clothes, I wish I had a swiveling head like an owl or that girl in The Exorcist 

My neck kind of sounds like hers when I try to emulate it, but no matter how hard I strain to twist my head around, I really can’t see what is going on behind me in a dressing room. So I make educated guesses.

The last time I did that I bought the cutest sleeveless blouse, all flowery, with a flouncy little skirt. I thought I looked okay in it. My sister brought me back down to earth the first time she saw me wear it.

“Your ass looks huge!” she exclaimed.

I can always count on her to tell me the truth. She’s such a blessing. You’ve no idea!

Here I thought the flouncy little skirt was hiding something. Turns out it was emphasizing it.

I wish I had eyes in the back of my head now too. My mother always did. Maybe it’s special equipment God grants to women who have a lot of kids–without which, I presume, a lot of us would be dead before kindergarten.

So here I am…again. In diet crisis mode.

Is it possible to loose thirty pounds in two months?

Yes.

Is it likely I will?

Not without pain. A lot of pain. I might have to settle for ten.

And, as I’ve said before, Beauty is pain…

Yeah, and at this stage in the game, so is the reflection in the rear view mirror.

UGH!

©2018 by Ilona Elliott

Me and Cosmo

The Author (on the right)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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4 Comments

  1. Judith Volosin

    Thanks Sis….glad I help keep you grounded! HA!

    Liked by 1 person

    • That you do! I guess I need it because I don’t see very well anymore, lol. xox

      Like

  2. so funny! I am so glAD TO READ tHIS POST FULL OF WIT! I think your picture is beautiful-but leave that dress home to be on the safe side! haha!

    Liked by 1 person

    • The picture is pretty old. Even the dog isn’t as cute anymore, hehe. But we love each other anyways. Thanks Michele. Glad you enjoyed the post and nice of you to let me know! xo

      Liked by 1 person

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