The Incredible Lightness of Being My Brain
My brain is such a light weight. Which pisses me off. I feed it really well. Lots of books, educational programming and internet searches heavy on information, continuing ed courses, and it’s still scrawny as a tweaker.
Despite the fact that I’m constantly trying to cram more information into it, it remains stubbornly and incredibly light. It’s like that thin lady you see in the grocery store eating a bag of powered sugar donettes as she pushes her cart full of Doritos, cheese and red meat around and you think “That woman is gonna get sick. She should wash her hands before eating those donettes. The skinny bitch.” Meanwhile, you’re starving and can’t wait to get in the car and un-button your jeans so you can eat a banana on the way home. Life is not fair.
At the very least, my brain should be as brawny as my ass, but it just isn’t, trust me. I’ve tried to figure out where all that information that I feed it is going, but the only explanation I can come up with is some kind of neurological tape worm. The thing must be a monster. It eats up every book I’ve ever read, every documentary film or program I’ve watched, every course I’ve ever taken. It leaves me a crumb or two to pick at sometimes. Usually the crumbs cannot be glued together into any recognizable explanation of anything. I’ve read ton’s of non-fiction books on all kinds of interesting subjects and I’m so fascinated by them while I’m reading them, but if I try to discuss any of it with anyone a week later I end up sounding like Sarah Palin on crack. There are more holes in my memory banks than in Donald Trump’s platform. I’ve come to the conclusion that my brain is a lot like Swiss cheese only without the solid parts.
I guess I have a faulty file retrieval system. I can only retrieve bits and pieces of the stuff I’ve learned. The rest is impounded in some factoid filled neuro-junkyard of really interesting information and some pretty great ideas about things. Tapping into it would probably put Einstein to sleep, but it would help me do better at Jeopardy. As it is, I suck at that game. I’m much better at Wheel of Fortune, helping Vanna fill in the blanks. That skinny bitch.
Copyright ©2016 by Ilona Elliott