Need Erectile Dysfunction: Go Here
My email in-box is a major spam depository for every form of deceptive and detestable web-advertising imaginable. On average, I receive 40 or 50 spam mails a day. Sometimes it’s enough to piss a person off. But sometimes, and this is how bad my life has gotten, it’s good for a laugh.
Scrolling through the list is a lot like reading the front page of “True Romance” magazine while waiting in line at Safeway. Promises of “Shocking Secrets”, “Hot Sex”, and “Improved Performance” trying to lure me into actually opening and reading the emails, which I never do. I’m sure, that, just like the vague sexual references made on the aforementioned magazine cover, the actual content would be a big letdown.
I like to tease my husband with the offers of hot sex from conjoined-twin Russian beauties or bronzed Brazilian beach babes. I find it interesting to note the juxtaposition of these provocative emails, sandwiched as they are between urgent messages for males with low testosterone and/or erectile dysfunction issues. Then there’s the rather confusing offer that read “Need Erectile Dysfunction: Go Here”…??? I don’t need erectile dysfunction but the 57-year-old post-hysterectomy-me thought ever so fleetingly about sharing the information with the old man.
Today’s offerings were the typical plethora of smarmy shyster-shams that I’m used to seeing. Lauren wants to tell me how to make $3,500 a day–I haven’t bothered to read her offer but assume it has something to do with phone acting–I play a 21-year-old sex-starved college kitten instead of an aging sedentary writer with graying hair and dull teeth, sitting in her kitchen drinking coffee and trying to speed up the call so she can go out and refill the bird feeder. Then there’s Doctor Miracle who wants to tell me how “eating this kills diabetes”. I almost put my candy bar down for that one. And Dr. Oz is always trying to reach me with a new miracle supplement cure for old age, sagging skin or low libido. Is he spying on me?
I try not to take these spam attacks personally. I’m sure these are good people just trying to make a living, reaching out to a lonely old lady sitting at her lap top looking for something to do with her time, who might possibly be interested in learning medical coding, beating alcoholism, heart disease and cancer, or settling her IRS debt. And the beauty of it all is, she wouldn’t even have to leave the house to do it! Ya gotta love the American business model! Long live spam.