Writing Yourself to Sleep
I’ve been trying to fall asleep for at least the last ninety minutes. It isn’t working. It’s tough to sleep when your mind is swimming with random thoughts and punishing self re-crimination over those late afternoon cups of coffee you scoffed down with a half-dozen amaretto cookies. So here I sit trying to remember the thread of what I was thinking about that seemed like such a wonderful humorous blog post while I was in bed but that has completely abandoned me now that I am sitting in the cold living room and squinting here in the glare of the keyboard, surrounded by the darkness of the house, where everybody else, even the dog, is asleep but me. Damn! It was something about being married a long time…or was it about getting old and growing forgetful? I can’t remember.
Oh funny, I just recalled one of the thoughts I had–Did you ever think wouldn’t it be great if you could run a ticker tape of your thoughts that just kind of flowed out of your ear as you lay in bed trying to get to sleep but you can’t because of all the stuff on your mind, especially the stuff that you find humorous and deep and the great plots you come up with for novels or short stories and all the little bits and pieces of poetry that float in and out of your thoughts too and the occasional Grammy award-winning song lyrics you come up with right as you’re about to drop off into a dream? Then you could just relax and go to sleep instead of shit talking yourself for being too lazy to get up and write this stuff down, but of course when you do get up to write it down, it either sounds absolutely asinine and makes you wonder what ever made you think you could write anyways or you completely forget what you were thinking about and sit there chewing on your pencil and doodling around the edges of your notepad or slumped bleary eyed in front of your lap top until you remember to sit up straight and take a few breaths and then you actually start feeling like hey, maybe I am tired enough to actually go to sleep now, thank you very much?
Yeah, me too.